Sheer Bloody Madness

Due to an admin error, aka they cant tell the time at the coursework office and therefore closed 5 mins early. I am stuck in Plmouth overnight.

So I need a new train ticket. £26.40 - Plymouth to Bristol Parkway Single

However £3.3o gets me from Plymouth to Exeter
And a further £11.30 gets me from Exeter to Bristol Parkway.

So I spend £14.60. And I get to stay on the same train as it goes to Bristol.

What the hell??!!!

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Been to the sea side today, god its cold!!! Didnt go in but skimmed quite a few stones. Had a hit the pier support competition.

On Paignton pier, as with most piers there is an arcade, and on the 10p one arm bandit, on his second go, my friend hit the jackpot of £5, all in 10p's. We had fun getting rid of them. He actually made money that day.

Tis a nice place, very quaint. Oh and cold.

Money Money Money

New Drive-Thru Cash Dispensers

DRIVE THROUGH CASH DISPENSERS TO OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS:

HSBC Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new'Drive-thru' cash pointmachines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leavingtheir vehicles.
To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities we haveconducted intensive behavioural studies to devise appropriate procedures for theiruse.
Please read the procedures which apply to you and remember them for whenyou use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.2. Wind down your car window.3. Insert card and enter PIN.4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.6. Wind up window.7. Drive away.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.3. Re-start the stalled engine.4. Wind down the window.5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto the passenger seat to locatecard.6. Turn the radio down.7. Attempt to insert card into the cash machine.8. Open car door to allow easier access to the cash machine due to theexcessive distance from the car.9. Insert card.10. After "Invalid Card' is displayed, remove Marks & Spencer Charge Cardand insert correct Cash Point Card.11. Remove Cash Point Card.12. Re-insert Cash Point Card the right way up.13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside backpage.14. Enter PIN.15. Press 'Cancel' and re-enter correct PIN.16. Enter amount of cash required.17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.18. Retrieve cash and receipt.19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.21. Re-check make-up.22. Drive forward 2 metres.23. Reverse back to cash machine.24. Retrieve card.25. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slotprovided.26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.27. Drive for 2-3 miles.28. Release hand brake.

History

A little history leson for those who enjoy history.
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer.What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty,regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability"."What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunitiesemployer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lestit be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-freeworking environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of theGovernment's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on withit....full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in thisstretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle inhistory. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir." Nelson: "What?"Hardy: "Health and safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness.And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone upthere until proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle,Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-freeenvironment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuseeven to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing thedisability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented inthe areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't letthe crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing intoo much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell themen to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of beingcharged withmurder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aidlawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partnersnow.According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in thisstretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you sayingthat sir.You'll be up on disciplinary."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of yourKing."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multiculturalage. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum,sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban oncorporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir.

General Interest: Post 75

Yup my 75th post, would have come a lot earlier had certain problems not arisen.

The main problem has simply been a total lack of time for getting anything done at all. University work has been keeping me busy, with around another 4 pieces of coursework due in within the next 4 weeks.

A second major problem has been that my lappy and me had a parting. This entailed my laptop having a fight with a glass of water, loosing... knackering its keyboard and being in for repairs for the best part of 3 weeks.
So for this time I have been using the University 24hr open access computer suite in the library. Such a depressing place, 60 people in at all hrs of the morning, all typing away and none of us wanting to be there. Ugh.

So hopefully normal service can now be resumed... What ever normal is.

General Interest: Post 75

Yup my 75th post, would have come a lot earlier had certain problems not arisen.

The main problem has simply been a total lack of time for getting anything done at all. University work has been keeping me busy, with around another 4 pieces of coursework due in within the next 4 weeks.

A second major problem has been that my lappy and me had a parting. This entailed my laptop having a fight with a glass of water, loosing... knackering its keyboard and being in for repairs for the best part of 3 weeks.
So for this time I have been using the University 24hr open access computer suite in the library. Such a depressing place, 60 people in at all hrs of the morning, all typing away and none of us wanting to be there. Ugh.

So hopefully normal service can now be resumed... What ever normal is.

Two weeks

Well I'm now an hour short of the two -weeks-without-a-post-mark.

Not a lot to report for the last 11 days, however the last two have been rather interesting.
I have been away at a course, a RYA (Royal Yachting Association) Safety Boat course.

I have been learning how to rescue vessels in distress, while being limited to a 6 man RIB.
Basically we have been capsizing a whole range of vessels in order to be able to right them again. Seems a bit repetitive, however when you are out there doing it, you don't notice that you are righting the same boat for the 5th time.

So we have capsized and turtled (completely upside-down) the following types:

Laser Pico Single Handed Sailing Vessel.
Topaz Omega Double Handed Sailing Vessel.
Dart-14 Catamaran
Canoes
Kyacks
Windsurfers

There was very little theory, most of it we learnt or worked out for ourselves when put in the position of having to deal with it.
Basically the rule is, if its small its easy, help by all means. If its large, try and get its crew to do the work,

We ended on a high too, we actually did a proper rescue. Well...
It was a private yacht that had lost all engine capability. He was managing to sail up Plymouth Cattlewater very well, tacking and gybing all the way, however as the river narrowed he didn't have any room. So we volunteered to tow him to his mooring spot, rather than call out the Coastguard/RNLI. It was a text book operation, with us managing to get him bang on.

So I now have another piece of paper to add to my logbook. I am certified.

Happy

This weekend I have met the most perfect girl on all of the campus. She is funny, clever, sweet and caring. We get on like a house on fire.

I just hope im not reading too much into our chats.


*skips off*

Bye Bye Money

Im getting rid of cash quicker than I can pass water. The main culprit isnt drink... but books. Lottsa books. All at around £30. Sheesh.

In other news im making lots of friends, and having lots of time to contimplate my space in this universe. Erm that means im still drinking lots.

Propper post tomorrow once the parents have been down and spent loads of money :)

I'm not scared, i'm too frightened to be scared.

Having now got to grips with the basis of lectures. Im shi**ng my self. The work load seems totally and truely daunting.

However there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. We are starting a wine club as part of the HCIMA group that we all now belong to. (Hotel and Catering Institutional Management Association) So good chance of getting drunk at the uni's expense

It Strikes!!

Plymouth Medical Services

Patient Number: 10034987

Surname: Fuller

First Names: Ian Michael

Faculty: Business and Social Science


Nature of Complaint: Sore Throat, Fever, Headache, Lethargy

Secondary Diagnosis Required No

Primary Diagnosis...



Freshers Flu!!!!

Is everyone from Bristol?

Right quick catch up. Wednesday: Pointless meetings. However in the afternoon some progress was made. I now have my NUS Extra card, UPSU Sports Card, I am now covered by the doctors and I have a PlymCard. I have been to the SU (Students Union) Freshers Fair and collected 3 bag fulls of useless leaflets and offers, but I can get 25p off beans at sainsburys. :)

Last night: Slow start really, I wasn't really up for it because of an increasingly aggravating sore throat. However that didn't stop me from downing a double whiskey as soon as I got the SU. Followed in quick succession by a pint of cider.
We then headed down to Union Street, to a bar called C103, where you couldn't get in for love nor money. So about turn we went.

It was then I met an old friend from Bristol, she is now in her second year at Plymouth. We went in to a quieter bar and caught up. I ended the night back at hers and meeting all of her flatmates. All in all a good night.

All the bells and sirens

Quick update: Monday.
Student night at one of the larger clubs in the city. Absolutly packed to the rafters. 20 mins to get a drink. Good music though. Gave up in the end and left for the next club, more expensive, smaller but not as packed.


So today: Got in from the above at around 1:30. Had to be up for 8am yay. So... 7:30 Fire Evacuation. Its loud and its not nice for people with hangovers. So 15 mins in the cold, and so back to bed for the remaining 15 mins, that turned into 45. Luckilly the place i had to be was 2 mins away.

Today we learnt that we would be running a cafe for 3 days a week every 5 weeks. Slightly daunting, but looks so fun. I also met the other people on the course, im doing... all 6 of them. So for the first year we are with all hospitality students and have 2 sessions a week just on our own.

Half an hour after I got back my friend came over, we sat around, and they decided to test the fire alarm, even after the drill this morning, only for 10 secs luckilly. So we went to subway for lunch.
He left as he had more induction, so I went back to bed. Got 30 mins kip in before my mate let me know he was free again. Que youtube, until we got evacuated again. May I now name and shame Gilwell Block 1 room 2, dont burn food you plebs.

As we were eating tea... yup another alarm, luckilly the neighbouring halls so no worries. And so here we are, pirate night tonight yay.

First quiet night

Tomorrow freshers week really starts, unfortunately it starts with a early morning, getting up at 8am!!!
Tonight I havent been to the pub, but have been able to get 3 beers in, thanks to co-op doing a cheap deal.
I've been sat at Pete's all evening watching a mixture of Family Guy and Bottom Live shows; eating pizza and having the aforementioned beers.

If this is the student life... I'm not complaining.

Another night of booze, and how I became a sex god.

Have just got in from boozing it up.

3 bars tonight, The Fresher and Professor, The Roundabout and Bar Cuba.

Spent the majority of the night at Cuba, good music and reasonable drinks. Roll on tomorrow for 2-4-1 cocktails. Yay.

As for the sex god... well... apparantly noone thought a fat guy could dance; even less thought he could dance reasonably well. Myself included; virtually none thought I could shimmy down to the floor using just my bent knees.
Also maybe being able to carry anyone above my head without straining, I feel my reputation is secure, even if I feel like a pillock when dancing.

Having a lie in for sunday, this uni lark isnt so bad after all.

Well not quite daily

Ive only just got my internet sorted, so heres hoping its going to stay up.

There has been alot of things going on around here lately, but at the same point, not alot. Mainly drinking. Lots of that going on.
Especially as theres always somewhere doing 2-4-1 or buy two for £5. Lots of cocktails going down the hatch.

Usual start time 8pm, current end time 2 am. And I still have money left so I'm doing something right. Have also started to meet people, its one of their birthdays today. We have even got a cake.

All my flat mates are in, they are a cracking bunch of people, and tidy even when drunk.

Anyway, more tomorrow

Service resumes

Dont ask where Ive been, its all been a bit manic.

I am now packed and ready to roll, I leave for uni at 11 am tomorrow.

I hope it use this blog on a daily basis, to give short posts on uni life, and also maybe to put how I feel is this shit-your-pants-this-is-scary-and-exciting-and-expensive time.

Be honest, did anyone actually notice that I wasnt here?

Also as of tomorrow, I'm; Plymouth Traveller

I forgotted

Just a quickie. Cant believe that I didnt blog this...

Got my A level results, 3 good grades, so for the next four years I will be a resident in Plymouth :D

New name? Plymouth Traveller?

Openly Stolen

If you take the first two letters of your surname; first two of your first name; first two of your mother's maiden name; first two of the county/state you live in - add in that order, you will get your star wars name.

'Coca-Cola' translates to Chinese as 'Bite the wax tadpole'

there is a site on the web with a 24hr web cam pointed at the spot where the second coming of Jesus is supposed to take place.

Shooters Hill in S E London is the highest point, in a straight line, drawn between London & Moscow

Trees break wind.

Yield gracefully when someone pushes in front of you. Then you can stab them in the back...

there are 256 different words for 'rice' in China

Panama hats are made in Ecuador.


Thanks to IWOOT.com

Ok so maybe I lied about it being the last one

Im sat here at Bristol Airport, bored. Its busy. I hate crowds and people. Especially kids.

Last night I noticed that for the past week, I have been drinking organic milk. Why hadn't I noticed this before? Simple because it tastes exactly the same as good old fashioned milk.
Only when I strained my taste buds really hard did I notice a change to the taste, and If anything it was a little more watery than before. And I'm paying extra for that?

Now I have nothing against people who insist on eating veg with dirt on them, over the cleaned stuff we are used to in Tescos, but why pay more for a slightly inferior product?

Feel free to discuss, I will be back in 14 days.. Enjoy the peace.

Never hope for something to do on quiet days.

This will be my last post for two weeks, because as of tomorrow I'm in Croatia for a fortnight.

This week I have seen two films, Cars and Superman Returns. The first was extremely good (look out for cameo by Jeremy Clarkson) and may be one for the collection. The second was ok, but lacking in action scenes.

Otherwise I have been in a state of suspended boredom. Trying not to get too excited before I go away, and therefore being even more bored waiting for it.
So going to oxfam today would seem to be a good idea, talking to customers and staff and generally relaxing for 5 hours.
Small problem.. We were dead today, takings were lousy, and even then the usual people to come in and mill around didn't appear.

So when one of our volunteers (who shall remain anonymous) came in, and she is not known for being quiet, I thought at last something to do, even if it is put the kettle on and have a chat.
So she potters around, sorting out her shoe displays ( we all have our own little areas), an she walks out to the back room to find some more supplies.
A minute later I hear her call my name to find her looking at a fire extinguisher lying on the floor; not a problem I think, she just wants me to pick it up. Did I mention she is nearly 80 years old?

It was then that I saw the cloth on her leg, and seconds later I saw the blood... Lots of it. It was on the floor, her leg and shoe were covered and it seemed like she had a lot more to give out.
Seeing that I was the only one there with any degree of First Aid training, I grabbed the first aid box. Now as the unofficial H&S Manager of the place ( well I seem to end up with all the H&S adverts anyway) I have to check the box to ensure it was all there, this helped me in just being able to grab exactly what I wanted. Antiseptic wipes and a sterile bandage.

It was once I was on my knees that I saw the wound, a 1 inch by 1/4 inch gash that was gushing with blood. Realising that my little antiseptic wipe would do sod all, I reached for the bandage, and remembering all that my scout training had taught me tied it off just above the wound.
My patient was now in shock, and looked a wee bit pale, so sitting her on a low stool I raised the leg to help. My first thought was get it higher, but the only way to do that was to sit her on the floor, but she would never get up from there. So I grabbed a duvet and thought that would have to do.

Next thing was to call her daughter, only 2 shops down, to get her here and arrange for hospitalisation. She was going to need stitches. Her daughter arrived and quickly told me that she didn't have a car, so an ambulance was called. I'm quite pleased and smug to be able to say that the checklist that they read off to me (things I must do etc...), wasn't needed as the bases were all covered.
As it was a non life threatening call, they would be with us within an hour, this was fine, although the tea that was being brewed wasn't allowed to be given.
Two very nice ambulance ladies turned up 20 minutes later, and inspected the wound. It had luckily stopped bleeding, although my bandage was a very deep red. No wonder she felt a wee light headed. She even managed to walk out to the ambulance.

*****(SMUG BIT APPROACHING)*****

The ambulance people turned to me and asked me who had did the first aid, I replied it was me and they said I couldn't have done a thing better. Not bad for someone who hasn't had any training in over 10 years, and then that was cubs stuff. :D

*****(SMUG BIT OVER)*****

I have noticed a pattern at the shop, whenever I have time off, the shift before I have a medical incident to worry about. Last time a lady caught her hand in the door and broke a finger. Ah well more paperwork for the boss to worry about when she gets back from her hols.

***UPDATE***

She is at home and still as head strong as ever.

New month, new post.

Ah August is here, and its bloody colder than July!!! No matter, in 4 days time I will be jetting off to Croatia to spend 2 weeks doing sod all in warmer climates.

As well as it being a new month, I have this morning received my new phone. The last one being a bit well used, and smelling like a tramps bed; due to a heavy drinking session a while back.
I now have the Motorola PEBL, why they cant be arsed to spell it right I don't know.
I will also have a new mobile number, however this will be texted to everyone on my current mobile shortly.

Here's something that has been making me wonder for the last few hours. I haven't been able to sleep so I started to watch Downfall, a fantastic movie about the last few weeks of the German Third Reich. I managed to ask myself a question... Please discuss the answer.

If Hitler had not committed the mass genocide of the Jews, would we see him simply as the most successful defeated leader the world had ever seen, (Like Kaiser Wilhelm but better at it?) and not the monster he is known as today?
Also if the Jews hadn't been systematically destroyed, would the state of Israel exist, and therefore would we have so much conflict in the Middle East today?

Prove my point then

Last night I spread the word about stupid people doing things when drunk.
Today we have a perfect example of stupid people doing stupid things... Possibly drunk.

Vandals cause massive power cut.
Burning tyres were thrown into a duct carrying high voltage cables.
A fire in an electricity sub-station started by vandals cut supplies to 27,000 homes in Birmingham.
By mid-morning on Monday 8,000 homes and businesses were still without electricity supplies.
Electricity officials said they were working flat out to restore power to the remaining homes.
Burning tyres were thrown into the sub-station in Saltley, starting the fire just before midnight on Sunday. Flames leapt 30ft (10m) into the air.
Homes in the Ward End , Bordesley Green, Erdington, Aston and Hodge Hill areas have been affected by the power cut.
By 1000 BST, 8,000 homes remained without power.

How stupid can people get, what's worse is the fact that they endangered lives in the process.

Electricity supplies at Heartlands Hospital were automatically switched to another source so that no patients were affected.
A hospital spokeswoman said that efforts had been made to keep demand to a minimum by using fewer computers and other electrical appliances so as to reduce pressure on supplies.

But what would happen if an ICU bed failed? Would the little bastards get done for manslaughter? Probably not.

With thanks to the BBC for most of this article.

I'm Back

10 days without a post. I almost feel guilty. But sod it.

I've been working my tits off at the hotel again. Finally I can now say that I never have to go there again. Well at least not until xmas.
I worked my last shift in the bar, which was a thoroughly enjoyable way to end my 3 years at the hotel. But as always someone had to make a twat of themselves.

First of all, one of the guests decided he needed to throw up, so he did it in the middle of the bar, 20 yards away from the gents. Cue sawdust and chemicals.

Second, after sufficient booze, one guest decided to destroy the forementioned gents, by ripping off every available pipe that he could see. Luckily the carnage was limited to the urinals, but if he could had gotten into the pipes under the sinks, I'm sure they wouldn't be there now.

The hotel had already decided to refurbish all public toilets at the end of August, looks like that will be brought forward.

The hotel is also on a major money saving drive, by cutting down on all hourly staff. This is for three reasons:

Toilet refurbishment.

The company is building a second hotel opposite, this will be cheaper at around £70 a night rather then £144-£166. But it will be more technology driven.

Because of the newer rooms that will be available, the 3rd floor of the hotel also needs major refurb, as thehaven'tent been touched in many a year and are frankly past it. There littlette or no working aircon on third. The rooms themselves are still with the original decoration too.

Also the fact that most major projects that are taken on, usually go over budget, over time and therefore get done a little bit cheaply. Ask anyone in the restaurant about the terrace roowasn'tsnt touched after restaurant refurb - ran out of cash), or about the new meeting rooms, possibly the cheapest and worst planned idea yet. (See conf ops)

Two bad nights at work in a row

WHY IS EVERYTHING CRAP?
WHY DO PEOPLE NOT SAY THANK YOU WHEN YOU HOLD A DOOR FOR THEM?
WHY WHEN I START TO FEEL HAPPY AGAIN DOES EVERYTHING GO TITS UP?
WHY DOES MAYONNAISE HAVE TO BE SO BAD FOR YOU?
WHY CAN'T I HAVE A PUPPY?
WHY DO I HAVE TO STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE I LIKE?
WHY DO I WANT TO SIT AT MY DESK AND CRY?
WHY WON'T PEOPLE JUST LET ME BE?
WHY DON'T I GET PAID THE SALARY OF A FOOTBALLER?
WHY IS EVERYTHING SHIT?

Itchy, sweaty, hot and tired.

Horrible day in work, have not long got back.


1) Woman fell in bathroom injuring self
2) Man blew all fuses in room by ironing
3) Same man decided to iron in corridor
4) Somehow an area not 30 yards from said man lost all lighting
5) Tour of 30 turned up with 45 huge bags
6) Tour turned out to be Israeli and were rude, arrogant and bastards, especially the tour organiser who is the only one who could speak English
7) Tour couldn't work out how to open bedroom doors and complained that keys didn't work
8) Driver informed us that tour are idiots
9) Tour complain bitterly about air con in rooms
10) Tour all demand fans as its still hot, 16 rooms 3 fans
11) Gents urinal in staff room blocks
12) I am sent into loft to locate stopcock... Which isn't up there
13)I am itchy from insulation
14) Its 30 degrees inside work

Irony

Bloody hell, a whole week since the last post. Nothing unusual on this blog I accept, however normally I can remember what's happened between blogs.
For the past week, there hasn't really been a day that I haven't been doing something work related.
I've either been at work to work, at work to collect or drop off stuff, or talking to work on the phone. The most time I have managed to be away from the place this week is 12.5hrs.

Now if I had an interesting job such as 'Tom Reynolds', or the writing ability of 'Weevil' I would always have something to write about. But I'm not... So there.

One thing that did happen today though...
I went into work 15 mins early for a meeting on Health and Safety in the Workplace. It took about 45 mins, and was my boss basically stating the obvious. However obvious or not, accidents do happen, as I so ably demonstrated only 4 hrs later.

I was carrying a modesty board to the cupboard that they belong in, when my bleep went off. Its a bit like a crap mobile phone, and has the ability to send voice calls only; but only when in range, and there seems to be no range on the thing at all.
Anyway it went off, and it caught me by surprise, sending me stumbling, only to headbutt the fore-mentioned piece of timber.

For my troubles... A developing black eye, and a shattered ego.

Something to remember

As we are all aware, a year has passed since the incidents of the 7th of July. Indeed while this was a major incident, and I am in no means trying to belittle anyone involved with it, and certainly in no way intending to insult the dead, I too have my own story of sadness that took place one year ago. 450 Miles from London.

At precisely 00.00.40, the cousin of a friend of mine, who also happens to be a good friend, took his last mechanically induced breath. He had been in hospital in Inverness for 3 weeks, and for the last 48hrs had been on a ventilator in ICU. He was born with major deformities in his heart and lungs, and despite the best treatment by doctors all attempts to save him failed.

In the 17.9 years of his life, he had ignored opinions of how long he should live, the first being only 6 weeks, then 6 months then 6 years. After that the doctors just gave up, he was going to be one stubborn bastard.

During these years he had been selected for transplants, with eventually all of them being rejected by his body. The last attempt was to replace one lung when he was 16, this failed. He was then left with the inevitable thought that he wasn't going to live a full life, by this time he had learnt to accept this.
A week before he went into hospital his health took a threatening turn for the worse, he became housebound and the prognosis was not good.

He then took the slightly obscure idea of having a brief video conference with his friends as to the situation. We all tried to remain upbeat, as did he, however everyone knew what the outcome was going to be. For his closest friends the hardest part was a request by him to ensure that his funeral and his wake lost none of his character. Immediately suggestions of a piss up were given much to general amusement.

We decided on the creation of a CD to be played at the wake, with everyone choosing one or two songs that summed up our collective personalities.
Here are a few of my favourite suggestions that made the list.

See you later alligator
Who wants to live forever
Baba O'Riley
The show must go on
Jerusalem
Wake me up before you go go
Staying alive
You win again

As you can see we all have a very warped sense of humour.
The funeral was in a very picturesque town just north of Aviemore in Scotland, with the wake in Inverness. (don't ask)

So whats the reason behind this post? Its a reminder that life goes on (or not in this case) outside of what is on the news. For me 7/7 isn't just a moment of national unity, but also a moment of personal reflection outside of what everyone else may think. I received the news of my friends passing at 14:40 7/7/2005, by which time we all new of what was happening in London. However none of that seemed significant, and for a small time I didn't care either.

On reflection I realise that this is just one of many that died that day, not just in the UK, but around the world. But for me 7/7 will always mean more for me than a state of collective grief.


P.S apologies for the waffling, but this is the best way I could think of putting thoughts to text.

Tripping

Scotland was good, spent a lot more than I should have. Always a sign of a successful trip :) Not too hungover either.

Today I travelled north once again, however this time a more subdued 80 miles to Birmingham. Why....? Why not? Travelled by train, and took advantage of the upgrade to First Class for £10 deal. So after complimentary snacks, drinks and wider seats I was ready to see what was so great aboutEngland'ss second city.

After negotiating Birmingham New Street Station, and emerging from its cavernous internals, I was faced by the Bullring. Theydon'tt seem to have made a total hash of it like Wembley. Inside its huge, three floors of 160 stores, with some departmental stores reaching 4 or 5 floors. Names such as Debenhams and Selfridges, Dixons and Starbucks create an all together pleasant experience. It seems very bright and airy inside, way better than the Galleries back home.

After wandering around inside for an hour or two we headed out to find if there was a 'High Street' to speak of; only to exit and then walk straight into another shopping centre. So another hour of browsing and contemplation of how to get suchextravagance'ss back to the train. By accident we took a wrong turn and appeared on the High Street itself. Walking along in the 30Celsiuss heat we tried to make sure wedidn'tt look too much like tourists.

Surpriseesurprisee we ended back at another mall, this time slightly smaller but with more high street names. More astonishingly enough was another mall that we didn't venture into, as it compiled nothing but eating establishments.

So it would seem that Birmingham centre is infact a number of malls that are interconnected by areas of Non-Air-Conditioned street sellers. I say this because although there may be a high street to speak of, theres guaranteed to be a way into the same store via the door from the mall.

In other news, England are out of the World cup; as I speak someone is driving around tooting their horn, while an ambulance screams away to pick up the latest suicide victim. Ah well only another 10 weeks til the rainy season, then we can go back to being the miserable bastards we usually are :D

By eck tis cold!

I'm off to Scotland this morning. Sat here at the compy, I've just noticed how un-naturally cold it seems today. I was watching the Weather forecast on the BBC this morning and apart from cloud, it looks like it will be a pleasant day. With no forecast of rain for the duration of my stay.
However switching to ITV, they were proud to announce that a very inconvenient band of wet weather stretches across all areas of Scotland that I intend to be in. Glasgow and Edinburgh mainly.

So do I pack the rain coat, or hit it out Stiff Upper Lip and all that.? Well considering that I have already packed, with only a jumper and umbrella, it better be bloody sunny.

See you all on Thursday

Job done!!!

Wahey

Finally I have now passed the only test I had left until university. I am now legally allowed on the roads to go where ever I please whenever I please. One small point... No car.
Will have to poke the parents a bit more.

On Tuesday I am off to Scotland. To get drunk... No point lying here. I have a very good friend of mine who has offered to take me there.( The airport that is, not Scotland!!) Not arguing, it would cost me £30 each way in a taxi (again to the airport), £27 to drive it and park (no car ) and around £12 using public transport. Therefore I am deeply indebted to Smiff for keeping me out of debt?!!?

Last thing... This makes me smile.

Let the slacking commence

The exams are over!!!! Ah the freedom, the bliss, the empty nothingness.

I know you are jealous.

So is it all milk and honey in the world of the Bristoltraveller? No. I'm off to work tonight, and tomorrow night, and Saturday, and Sunday. If its anything like last Saturday I won't wait til August 1st (My official leaving date), I'll go now.

One positive is that next week I'm back off to Scotland to get heavily inebriated, see a play and just get away from whatever it is that I don't want to do down here. Not that I know, but it always shows it's head.

The second positive is that as of next Saturday my allegiances change at work, from then on the Bar has my priorities rather than my current position. Change is good, enough said.

The third positive is that in 5 weeks my dad comes home, after 4 1/2 months away. I know he says he's a Chief Engineer on a cruise ship, but when he is transferred out to Tahiti, you do have to wonder what the hell he is getting upto.

That means that in 6 1/2 weeks I'm off to Croatia, for two weeks in the sun. Which means by powers of observation that in under 6 1/2 weeks I would have quit my job.

So it all seems to be getting rather good for me at the moment. Especially now that the diet has made me loose 1/2 a stone in only a week. Yet the phrase... Famous last words will probably come back to haunt me.

10 kilometres under the sea.

The whole revision thing is trundling along nicely. With my exams getting closer, I am surprised to find that my blood pressure is still at its usual sedate levels.
what's more important is that I have managed to get back into the diet with a vengeance and start swimming regularly again. This time it WILL work.

I have now done 10km over two weeks, which means that I am averaging 50 lengths every time that I go swimming. Sometimes I do more.. Such as when its busy and I then get more lengths from weaving around the bods.
However I still haven't managed to reach my goal of getting back up to my former rate of 64 lengths a time. Ah well at least its doing the body some good.

What I find even more annoying than my lack of progress is the negative progress of others in the pool. Especially housewives and elderly women. Now this isn't and ageist or even sexist complaint, however I was under the impression that swimming pools were meant for swimming in, and cafes we for chatting in. I mean they wouldn't be happy if I just sat in a cafe doing nothing would they? So why should they be allowed to sit in the pool and not swim?!

So please if you are sat in the pool, and see people giving it their all aiming at you, please have the grace to move aside... And you never know, you may just loose some weight while you are doing it.

Revision, with a Splash of Swimming and a Dash of Sunbathing

Greetings

I now have just one week until my first exam, and like the mystical bitch that she is... fate has made it the one I can't revise for. Its an ICT exam, where all the work is done before hand and all I have to do is tick boxes. Fun.

Now it may seem like a good thing that the first is blissfully easy, however with all this revision getting one of the other biggies would have been better. That way I could just revise for one other and not have to think about the ICT. However as it stands I have to do the easy one first, and then panic over the weekend until I have the other two.

So you find me this week slaving over books to get my hard exams firmly into my head ready for the time when I may need the information.
However I have also found time to kick start the diet (again) and have been swimming several times this week. Usually 50 lengths a time, I'm trying to work myself back up to my former level of 64 or 1 Mile.

I have also been making use of our natural resources, by that I mean sitting on my arse in the sun with a text book. Problem is that I can never tan, just burn and then go slightly darker afterwards.

Busy Busy Busy, all hands on deck.

I've just sat down to have some 'me' time, and this is the first chance to get near the blog for nearly 2 weeks. So I hear you cry, what's been going on?

First of all after my last post, about lifts and other things I worked the entire weekend. Getting back at 11pm and then 6pm, at both times knackered. Then we had another bank holiday, in which I spent some time furvishly planning a very impromptu camping trip with a good mate of mine. We ended up just within Devon near Lynton and Lynmouth, at a very nice campsite on top of exmoor. So we spent a very pleasant few days wandering our way around the Devonshire and Somerset borders. Drinking too much, and not having to go near a supermarket once. We ate only from individual butchers, bakers and grocers... And I have to admit to loving it. The choice, and expertise that you just don't get with conglomerates these days.
We went out to small villages to find nice pubs, we used the West Somerset Railway to save on driving, we even got near to the beach. All this was washed down with large quantities of Ice Cream. You have to love Mr Whippy.

After we got back its been work of some sort or another. Revision - exams now under a fortnight away, and work at the hotel, which has now become easier as we have a full department again, after begins chronically understaffed for ages.

Yesterday to give myself a break I decided to get the garden furniture back out after its 8 month hibernation. I spent a pleasant hour putting the table, bench and chairs back together. Now all my mum has seemed to have done is lie out there for the last few days.

Right gtg, revision calls.

In times of peril what would you do?

There are few things in this world that I dread. The top three- in no particular order are:

Spiders - Size no object I hate them all.
Being Stuck In Lifts - Don't ask I just don’t like it.
Death of My Parents - Enough Said.

So it was not hugely gratifying to find myself in a situation the other day that required me to deal with one of these problems.
Let me start from the beginning:

On Wednesday I and a few of my friends decided to rendezvous in Southampton (I have well spread friends) so that we could meet up, shop and drink. At the same time I was going over to SMC Marchwood across Southampton water to see my brother and deliver some things from home. This accomplished I turned to my friends and we all decided to go and see what the town had to offer.

For those who do not know So'ton the high street is raised in comparison to the docks, and then there is another retail area (bit like the venue at Cribbs Causeway- but bigger).

The easiest way to get to this area would be to walk through a popular supermarket, out to the top floor of the attached car park which puts you on floor 10. There are 6 lifts that go down to street level in seconds. So in the group of us get (5 in total) and press floor 1, the doors close and we descend watching the little display for where we are. 10 - 9 - 7 (3 do odds, 3 do evens)- 5 - BANG, CLICK -"bugger".
We stopped, quickly. With no movement from the lift car we were a little concerned, especially when the idea of press any floor to get us out didn’t seem to work. It was then we noticed the LED display, 5 - 3 We couldn’t feel us moving?! - 1 - 11 - 9 - 7 eh? With that I hit the alarm button. Big orange lit up thing with a bell on it.

Now I was expecting something loud, like a bell to ring out and tell all and sundry that we were in a perilous predicament, however we got nothing. And the... ring ring... ring ring... 'in a few moments you will be connected to the call centre' ring ring... ring ring... bloody hell it takes a while to get to India nowadays. The all of a sudden a local accent pipes up... 'Just confirm you are in Lift X of X Car park?' Yes the car has just stopped. 'Ok I will alert the car park attendant and get the engineer out' I will get back to you.

So we were prepared for a long wait, but within 2 minutes 'Bang Thump' someone was on the roof. 'Don’t worry I'm taking you down to the ground floor, it may take a while.' 5 minutes later we were walking out of the lift, presumably some poor bugger had to winch us down. Just as we got out the intercom piped up..'Ok someone should be with you in 20 minutes.' Erm - someone’s on the roof and has let us out... you better speak to him, and with that we walked off, leaving a probably confused call centre taker looking at her screen

I take it then that Car park attendants aren’t meant to climb inside shafts? Frankly we didn’t care, we were just glad to out of there.
I am pleased to announce that no one panicked, although we did all go for a beer after.

I dont have to explain myself!!!

But I may as well try.

The last week has been one of very mixed emotions, the joy of knowing that I have a bit of time off of work (this is now rapidly dwindling), and the sadness of knowing that my routine of getting up and going to Marlwood is going to end.

We finished school for the final time on friday, and within 48 hrs I was back there. Nothing serious just last of the spring work. It has been a week of drinking, working, sleeping and more drinking, so you will have to excuse the lack of continuity to the blog.

When some stability enters my life I will write some more, maybe tomorrow but probably before Saturday.

Its quiet, so I'll give this a try.

Tonight I'm at work from 3-11pm. Normally I would have between 3-6 rooms to turn around ((business meeting rooms, not bedrooms(I work in a hotel)) and then I have a list of 20-30 jobs that have to be done over the 3 weekend shifts. Sat 7-3 Sat 3-11 Sun 8-4.

However tonight I have had:

3pm: 2 rooms to do.

3:40: 1 room to do

4pm: Call to room: No sound on t.v. Annoyance rating 3/10. Solve time 3 seconds - plug it in.

4:30: No rooms to do

4:30-5:30 Wander around looking thoughtful.

5:30-6:00: Dinner

6:00-6:20: Car Park check, or an excuse to get some fresh air while checking out the cars in the car park.

6:30-7:30: Do list of cleaning chores given to me by Duty Manager ready for Managing Directors look-a-round this week.

N.b 7pm: Call to room who has locked themselves out of bathroom: Annoyance rating 5/10. Solve time 10 seconds. Smugness factor 9/10 as they cant understand how I did it. I have the ability to hide the handy bit of wire in my hand, unlock the door with it with the one hand, and look blankly at them while doing it.

7:30-8: Cover reception, despite only knowing how to answer the telephone and redirect calls, let alone check people in.

This is a rare thing indeed, a quiet night. I will write up an average night some other time. But i'm off to look busy, before they ask me to do anything too strenuous... hey why should I when theres no immediate need? Besides I'm off tomorrow Muahahaha

Riddle-Me-Ree

Here’s two for you:

Make 25p using only 2 coins. One is not a 5 pence piece.


A frog is dead in the middle of a pond on a lily pad. The pond is circular and the lily is 10m from any edge. The frog has a jump span of only 5m. How could he get out?

Answers in comments please :D

Descent post tomorrow.

Laughter Lines

A man is on an airplane and he really really has to use thewashroom, but the men's one is occupied, so the stewardess lets him use the women's with one warning, "Don't press any of the buttons" she says.
So he goes into the washroom, and beside the toilet are 4 buttons, WW, WA,PP, and ATR. Since he's curious, he presses WW, and Warm Water splashes onto his arse. Then he presses WA and Warm Air dries it off. Thinking this is pretty cool, he press PP and Powder Puff poofs onto his butt. Now hes amazed, and he press ATR.
Next thing he knows he's in the hospital. He doesn't know how he got there, so he asks the nurse and says "the last thing I remember is being in the women's washroom and playing with all the cool buttons", the nurse replies, "Yeah, you must have been having a great time'til you pressed automatic tampon removal!"

Well done that B'stard

On Thursday night, myself and a fellow student went to the Bristol Hippodrome to partake in an evening of merriment and mirth.
We were there to see the latest performance by Rik Mayall (aka Alan B'stard) in The New Statesman; The Blair B'stard Project.
Now as we went I scanned the rest of the audience, a good general mix of young, not so young, not so old and oap's. (Not so old being Middle Aged- I just cant be bothered to justify myself.)

Seeing that we had a good mix of the population of Bristol in the theatre, I occurred to me that the one thing that I shouldn't be expecting was Bottomesque language. This was quickly shattered when within the 2 minutes of the play, the opening line was 'That bloody bu..ering b*@t!rd has done it again!" So guess what the rest of it was like.

The best bits: Tony Blair gets kidnapped; America invades Norway - With their top Desert Troops; B'stard takes over the Labour Party; Someone blows themselves up; Someone else gets blown up; and B'stard finally has his way with his secretary.
The whole thing ends with the soliloquy: "Well not a bad days work really, I got Condoleeza off my back, Flora on her back... And Habibbi, well he just went all over the f!*king place. You were right Tony, things can only get better; Now that B'STARD is in charge!"

So after 2 encores and 4 lots of Mayall bowing on his own to raptuous applause we set off, stopping quickly to purchase a programme and two B'stard rosettes. Well we weren't going to buy them is the play was crap were we?

Bloody Fantastic

Have just got back from the Bristol Hippodrome after seeing The New Statesman... Epidsode 2006 The Blair B'stard Project. For a review, just look at the title. A propper post tomorrow.

Had my ice cream... And ate it.

It would seem I had the best of both worlds on Monday, not only did I gain a good lie in, but I also had an impromptu trip to the beach. It started off like any other day at home, being bored and sitting around advertising this effect. But it was the mother that voiced her pococurantism for the time off the most, as she had managed all her weekend tasks already.

So I said the first thing that came into my head, which was... Lets go to Weston-Super-Mare. Not the most wonderful place in the world, full of pregnant 15 year olds, old women and pie and mash shops. In fact let me give you an idea of the beach at Weston.

You have (when the tide is out) a good 1/4 mile of sand reaching out into the Bristol Channel, followed by another 1/2 mile of silt and mud, and then finally around 1 mile out is the sea. So they best beach destination is isn't. It has the alternative title of Super-Mud in recognition of its most bountiful resource.

But I digress... We parked at the southern end of the beach on the beach itself. It marks the end of the Award Winning Section of beach which stretches from the north of Weston to where we were. Around a mile away was the sea the pier Weston's most famous attraction. We set off at a good pace, dodging the people heading back to their cars, over taking grannies, jumping over kids who wanted ice cream but couldn't and were having tantrums and weaving our way around the entire contents of the underage maternity hospital.

It was, it has to be said a very pleasant walk, and the extra 1/2 mile walking along the pier afterwards must have done us some good. We stopped at the end of the pier to use the facilities, and watch all the people feeding coin after coin into the money hungry amusements.
Back at the entrance to the pier are more mini arcades and some ice cream sellers, we indulged ourselves with a 99 each... Costing us £1.50 each.

The walk back was a little dogged by the fact that, a wind had grown and we were sand blasted all the way along the promenade back to the car. It being a bank holiday all the townies from up north were evacuating Cornwall, and despite using alternative routes it still took us nearly three times as long on the way back as it did on the way there.
But it was a nice day, from my memories of childhood there seemed to be just as little sea as ever, the amusements were just as noisy as ever and the prices were as high as ever.

Random thoughts that have no other way of making it into a blog entry.

Well here we are... Another Bank Holiday! Any more and I may just get used to them; but more likely just start looking for other ways to have a legit lie-in.

Yesterday at work we had two rugby teams in the hotel. One was a serious team that played well, the other were a load of drunkards who had nothing better to do than get pissed for the entire two days that they were there for. I never saw them without a beer in one hand. What was worse was that it was crap beer too, showing that they had no taste what so ever.

The proper team were a problem too, not that they were a nuisance, just that the girls wouldn't do any work and insisted on gawping for their entire shifts.

I have now added another blog to the list on the left, Random Acts of Reality... Bloody good read, and thought provoking.

Work preparation wind down

Just a quick post today, I'm about to go to work you see. There is a new link on the left, try it and see if you can survive in On the Run

More mindless stuff from Miniclip.

Credit where its due

For the first time since its opened, Bradley Stoke Swimming Pool has had the honour of having me swim in it. And, as the title suggests I was pleasantly surprised. Now I'm not exactly a brad pitt look-a-like, more the pits really, so I was a little anxious about getting my body out infront of lots of people. Plus having never been there I was unsure of its layout and so taking off my glasses and rendering myself blind didnt seem like a good idea.

The building itself is newer than the leisure centre attached to it, this is because the council ran out of money... Twice. In a further penny saving mode, they made the changing rooms unisex... Not the greatest idea on paper; however with lots of cubicles and lockers it turns out that it isn't a problem. The showers are poolside, so while shampoos can be used, doing a thorough change isn't possible... Especially not while the life guards are looking.

I was also surprised to find the 8 lane pool ( each lane big enough for 2 abreast) to be nearly deserted, there were only 5 of us there. Once I was in the water, everything came back to me. I hadn't been swimming in years, but I found it relaxing to be back.... That and the fact that the water was lovely and warm. I managed 1km today, I'm aiming to get back to my past rate of a mile per swim. This will be easier to do there than use works pool as its only 13 meters so would require more effort, as you cant get a rhythm going.

Overall its good to be getting some exercise again, and to be able to do it in such nice surroundings doesn't really give me much of an excuse not to.

3 Down, 3 To Go

I am now pleased to report that I have now met 3 of Clan Weevil.
Weevil, Tallboy and The Sun have all now have had the misfortune to have met me. Feel especially sorry for Weevil as she sees me nearly every day of the week.

So all I have to do now is make some elaborate fake brewers fayre story up, and I will have snagged me a meeting with Methane Boy. For Pesky i'm thinking something between Whiskas and Catsan, although not in the same bowl...
As for Step D i'll have to work on it... Maybe something with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Dep? ... In a blender...? Give me some time.

Chop Chop

The new furniture we had ordered from House of Frasier arrived this morning, yayness. However, its one small downside was that it had to turn up at 7am. Not at my best, I stumbled down the hall to open the door. Outside were two of the most cheerful people I have ever met. I would not believe them when they insisted that they had been up since 3:45 that morning.

Pleasantries over with they got down to work, assembling our new (and very chunky) kitchen table. In all it took around 15 minutes with a tea break afterwards. I cannot believe how much space this thing takes up! It did not look that big in the store.
So we now have seven chairs, a table and an extension for it; and we have space for only the table and four chairs. May have to do a whole house shuffle.

I did manage however, to sort out the demise of our existing furniture. Mainly through the aid of a Black and Decker Power Saw and my good Mallet. I have not had an hour’s fun like that for quite some time. Pure carnage on a forestry scale.
I now have eight bags of neatly destroyed table and chairs, and being the resourceful person that I am, have already arranged for its destruction.

Weevils having a bonfire. Yay.

Normal service will resume shortly..... What's normal again?

Hello there avid readers of general waffle.

Welcome to the latest edition of N.I.C, where today we will be reviewing that latest happenings of my life. For your own safety leave now.

Since the little story on Wednesday I have been to London on Thursday with the ever fantastic girlfriend. We saw the sights - Big Ben (well the tower that its in), Parliament, St James Park avec Ducks, London Eye (didn't go on it was cloudy) and the monument. Which is 311 steps to the top, so 622 steps top to bottom. That was knackering. We also went shopping on Oxford Street and strolled around Knightsbridge, So a fantastic day, with lots of hand holding and wondering if it would be easier to walk than take the tube. Happy days.

The Friday and Saturday have been the laziest days of the holidays so far, with me generally lying in bed watching Family Guy before going to work in the afternoons.

Today I have been sat at my desk for 5 hours straight doing my food tech coursework. 30 A3 pages of pure rubbish with little or no emphasis on my cooking ability. Really worth the last 4 years of my life.

Ho hum the things we do to get grades, go to uni, leave home and get into debt. :D

Back and relaxed.... So enjoy a quick story.

Noted law enforcement icon McGruff the Crime Dog was arrested at a local coffeehouse last week where he had arranged to meet what he thought was an underage feline for a sexual encounter. "Fluffy", the feline ingenue he had hoped to meet, turned out to be an undercover officer who made contact with the famous child safety advocate while trolling an internet chat room called "Purrfect Partners".
After obtaining a search warrant, officials seized two computers from McGruff's apartment along with dozens of photos showing him engaged in illicit behavior with female kittens. Ironically, one of the photos portrays McGruff, noted for his slogan "Take A Bite Out Of Crime", playfully nipping one of the cats on the scruff of the neck.
Members of PETA are outraged by the incident and believe that the crime dog's actions send the wrong message. "He's supposed to be setting an example for our children," said PETA activist Joan Furry. "Just because he's an animal doesn't mean he can mistreat other animals."
But local supporters are quick to defend McGruff's actions. Jim Biber, owner of the Slug and Glug tavern said in an interview ''Whaddya expect? He's a dog for Christ's sake. Yeah, it's a little weird that he's goin' after those little kitty cats, but it's not like he's friggin' gay or something."
The shaggy crime fighter is scheduled to be arraigned in court next month and could face up to five years in a federal penitentiary. McGruff's lawyers, however, citing the defendant's clean record and contribution to society, are expected to ask for the minimum sentence of two years probation and community service, which would include cleaning out litter boxes at local animal shelters.

Something for the weekend, and the rest of the time I'm away.

Hello there.

Quick update: The bed arrived within 6 hours of ordering, assembly took around an hour, and for something that costs less than £100 that came in only 2 boxes; its surprisingly sturdy.

Now as of tomorrow I'm not here, and unlike Giles; I have no-one to pass this on to, so you will have to amuse yourselves. To help you with this I would like to draw your attention to the left
-->-->, where you will see some links for some games. Nothing fantastic, but good enough to pass the time.

Challenge: ROLFCOPTER: Beat 276 Kills and have a point score of over 100000.

Right I'm off to make sure I have room for a lot of duty frees. See you in a week.

The end of an era

It is with great sadness that I hereby announce the death of a good friend of mine. He has supported me through good times, bad times and times of unbearable stress. He has always been there for me, I always knew where to find him. He always had the time for me to sit down and spill my troubles.
I've had dinner with him, read books with him, played games too. Hell I've even slept with him.... Farewell my old bed.

Had you going there for a second didn't I!?

On Friday my bed gave one hell of a crack and suddenly my mattress slid off sideways. Annoying at the best of times, more so because I was nowhere near the bloody thing at the time.
So this morning I have gone out and chosen its successor, and it has a lot to live up to.
I am also testing whether a well known bed deliverer can really do same day delivery... We will see. I do know that I have to put the thing together, so this should keep me occupied for an hour or so.

Interesting really, because I'm only going to use it twice (if it arrives today) and then it will lie dormant for a week when I'm off (hopefully) sunning myself in Jersey.

Pride Comes Before A Fall, or in another word. Fuck it.

Well here we are again readers, ready to dwell in my own little pool of self misery and my unending belief that the DSA are complete and utter bastards.

Before I start, a quick hello to my driving instructor, nice nick who has had every confidence in me, however that may be about to change. Fantastic bloke & patient (well he has to be).

Anyway back to the DSA (double standards agency). I have just failed my second test... Bugger.
Partly due to inexperience at the wheel, but more likely to having the most miserable bastard of a driving examiner ever. Who by the way also failed me the first time.

Now Mr A (Asshole) is the kind of instructor that looks just like a normal old man. However once you are out of the test centre, he turns into something quite difficult.
He likes to find areas for testing where even instructors wouldn't look for, and trust me NN has tried a few.
So to do my reversing into a confined space, he found me a junction where both roads were at 20%+ inclines, and where they meet is a huge bump of uneven road. Combine that with parked cars everywhere and you get my point.
To do a 3-point-turn he will find the road that is exactly the same length as the car, and then make you do while other learners are watching.
To do an emergency stop, he will find the narrowest and busiest that the law will allow him.

You get the picture not a nice guy. However I passed all maneuvers fine, it was lack of experience with traffic that was my downfall. Still its nice to have a good rant at somebody.
I'm sure that he wont read this, he looks like the kind of person that would have trouble with a cordless phone.

*Deep Breath*

Anyway not to let myself get too down, I have re-booked my test; This time for a Sunday, maybe his day off?

Last one

Ah the very last lesson of term, after today I have no need to come back for the best part of 3 weeks yay. As you can tell i'm really busy, struggling with my work load and despeately trying to maintain a deadline.

Actually I do have work to do, but I cant be bothered to do it. Bit like a certain year 11 that I know, but thats another story. For the past three days I have been able to have a lie in, and I plan to continue this trend. But something is troubling me, I cant sleep past 9am at the moment. Dunno why, its just a problem.

It does mean that I dont waste some of the day that I would normally spend unconcious, however it also means that I become more and more tired earlier.

All in all a weird week, however looking forward to going on hols next tuesday, so I will be taking a break for a few days. Will prob post more tho until I go.

One two, miss a few

I have just sat down with my girlfriend to watch the latest Harry Potter film on DVD. Not overly bad, however there were some glaring omissions. I am not going to sit here and recount them all to however, but I will mention one or two other films that seem to skimp on some of the facts.

U571, ahem.... The British did it ALL!!!

Harry Potter also features highly on the bloomers list. Chamber of Secrets and prisoner of Azkaban both had hundreds of noticeable mistakes on them. 205 and 166 respectively. (I didn't work this out, I am just reliably informed.

Star Wars the original comes in with a hefty 208, but the biggest overall offender in Pirates of the Caribbean with 213.

Surely with a budget of millions, they would have corrected most mistakes, but obviously not....Take Wembley for example.

Scratch that one off the list.

Well, that does it. I'm officially no longer a LUSH virgin.

Headed out early this morning, 9AM - On a Saturday!!! To head up to Cheltenham. We did this for two reasons. 1) We like the place and 2) I knew there was a Lush shop there.

We could have gone to Bristol, however in a bid not to loose the city of culture... Again, the City Council have decided to dig up everything and knock the rest of it over. I cant face that kind of pressure before I go to work.

So off in the car, we got the Cheltenham in good time, and found parking ontop of Regents Arcade; the same shopping center where a certain shop is located within. Parked and down on the ground we toddled off to our left in search of smellies galore. Went completely the wrong way of course, but we did have a 50-50 chance of that happening.

After a detour into some department store selling nothing of any value, BHS? We about turned and followed my nose to the right place. I have to admit for a brief second I hovered around the entrance, preparing to bite the bullet so to say; however any feelings on anxiousness were slightly relieved when I saw some other bloke buying stuff.

We went in, not quite as spectacularly as Father Ted came out, but we were in none the less. Looking around, I was even more surprised to see another man in there, although he did have a "When are we getting out of here" kind of face. Pottering around, and resisting the need to put a bit of everything in a bag we selected the items that we wanted to try and headed to the till.
Where we were greeted by a male store worker, well that did it for me.
And it should for you too!

Throw away your misconceptions of the store and jump in, head first. Trust me your nostrils demand it. Its not just for girlies who like smellies, they do a range of beard busting shaving creams too. Weevil would be proud of me.

Burn your brain, do history

As mentioned earlier in previous blogs, for my history personal assignment I have to write up around 2500 words on a subject of my choice. To aid me I have a plan of 300 words and an optional 2500 words of notes. Now if you have read my previous blog, you would know that these notes help nobody.
So today I have started to write my assignment up with only my plan. In an hour and a half I managed 1700 words mainly from memory. Not bad eh?

But my brain now hurts like hell. So I'm going to end here. I'm hoping to end it tomorrow as im only aiming for 2300 words.

One other thing I want to add, my girlfriend is fantastic... I know she reads this :)

Learn History, Jump through Hoops.

Today marks the day when all students studying History at school must sit down and write up a self prepared essay from memory. Doesn't sound too difficult right? Especially as you can choose the subject matter.

Here's where it gets tricky. You are allowed a 300 word plan, this can not be just a section of essay, it has to be structured. Ok not too bad so far.

You are not allowed any texts, sources or access to any other areas of information.

You are allowed to use word processing only.

doesn't seem unreasonable.

And as a gesture of good will the exam board allow you to have 10 pages of A4 notes, or 2500 words to help you. Hooray?!

Well its not that easy, it has to be paragraphs, and these can not be in anyway like you essay. Here's an example of what I mean.

LG: CiC + CoC of B101 ->LG.... Gibberish as you may agree. To me however this means something. LG= Leopoldo Galtieri Commander in Chief, and the Chain of Command of Battalion 101 leads back to him. Therefore meaning he was the one who told B101 to go and kill 10000+ people. Get it? No neither do I. But these are such things that you have to do to complete A-Levels.

Yay.

Not long now.

Bit of sad news first, my Dads off back to his boat tomorrow, so I wont see him until July. :(

Good news:
Only 10 school days left until we break up for two and a half weeks. I really need this break, simply because my brain is currently on meltdown.
Also during the break I'm off to Jersey for a week with my Mum. This should be good, not only is she paying for it all, but she doesn't know anything about the place, unlike me. This will be my third trip to the island.

More good news. A certain manager of mine has less than a month until he leaves!

Even more good news: Only a few weeks until I got to London with a friend.

Fantastic News: Only 5 school weeks until we finish school all together.... Wait that means I have exams ¬_¬

Damn.

Do people really fool for such things?

Ah Wednesday, my favourite day of the week. Because of my lesson that I have.... Only a double History. Throughout my two years at VI Form these two 50 minute periods have always been one of merriment, and there was always the guarantee that we would never a: work for more than half the time and b: that we would never last 100 minutes, maybe 70, most often 65.
And today is that wonderful day. But its just got better, we are doing personal assignments, giving us no reason to attend what so ever.

The reason I'm so happy is thus: I got up at 11am today and loved it.

So after doing a reasonable amount of work this morning, I decided to bring the TV out of its retirement (it retired at 11:30 last night, so 15 hrs isn't bad - my TV is not 65 years old either.) and set it to work. Now SKY is a wonderful creation, it allows all people who really want their own TV channel to own one. Needless to say everyone who actually wants their own TV channel shouldn't be allowed one.

The same can be said for magazines, and people who want to work in advertising. Let me demonstrate the latter two examples of my argument. While exercising my right to channel surf I came across an advert for - now I may have the name wrong - NEW Magazine?!!?
So what does it provide? The advert has a little counter at the bottom that runs up to 60, and they have a variety of people reading off a list of total clap. Celebrities, shoes, shames etc.... You get the idea, total trollop in a magazine.

What got me was that the counter at the bottom wasn't the most accurate piece of mathematical apparatus ever, for example it managed to skip from 25 to 30, 37 to 40 and 46 to 49 and in many other places as well. All this leads upto the magical, if slightly inaccurate number of 60 and the selling point is read out, 60 things for 60p!

Well if you believe that, you will believe anything.

I recall a car manufacturer did the same a few years ago by saying they voluntarily put their cars through 130ish criteria to be allowed to sell. It turned out that one of the categories was seat belts - a legal requirement, windscreen wipers and my favourite 4 wheels and an engine.

Wanted: A nuclear device with a 400ft radius.

Last night, just as I was heading out the door to work, I stepped in a puddle. Not normally a problem, but as I was about to continue my journey I was aware of a cold feeling coming over my foot. Looking at my shoe I realised all too late, that there was a hole in the soul, about the size of a 20 pence piece. Not good.

So this afternoon, we at the BT estate decided to take a trip to Brantano. Ignoring the crap Muzak, crap advertising and the next-to-useless shop assistants; the shoes aren't that bad. Plus they go up to a size 14. I'm only a 12, but there's always a growth spurt when you cant find big enough shoes.

So trundling through the selection of work shoes, trying a few on, sometimes mixing pairs just to see the result. I decided on a nice pair of black slip-ons. I sometimes have to go to work for 7am, never in the right frame of mind to tie laces.

The whole experience took around 20 minutes, a very respectable time for someone who just wanted his old shoes, but new. Realising that there was a good part of the day left we trundled around a few of the other shops that make up the Abbey Wood Retail Park. Matalan, Woolworths and Next Clearance they are all here; and today they were just full of rubbish. Now in the past they may have served their uses, however it wasn't the same today. Piles of stuff just thrown around. I know worn look clothing is meant to be in, but Christ, not worn in this way.

So my personal recommendation is this. Put a small nuclear device in the middle of the car park and blow the lot to hell. No-one would miss it. Perhaps we could have something useful there instead. And to show I too will sacrifice something, I'll put off my growing plans for now.

Known me since yay high? I was born 5 ft tall!

My Mum, in one of her contemplating moods was sitting at the table this morning, her copy of the paper all laid out in front of her. She had insisted of fetching the papers from the shops this morning, on the basis of the fact it was snowing and she was feeling childish.

Sat there reading, probably an article on north sea dolphin frying/global warming- same thing?? She began to recite the story of my birth, not what any 18 year old wants to hear just after waking up. Well to be truthful, I wasn't awake, not by a long shot.

She told me that the first thing that my Dad knew about it was when he got a knee in the back, rolling over, this kind and caring creature, told my dear mother to 'go have a shower, I'll be up after.' Only to be told, that she had already had a shower and to move his mortal rump out of bed.

Setting off from home, he stopped off at the papershop (it was a Sunday, and they had bought a copy of the paper for my brothers birthdate), he purchased a Times for me - incredibly bright from the beginning- and a copy of the daily torygraph for himself. A quick drive to Southmead later and my Mum was installed into the bed- hers for the next 6 hours.

My Dad as I have said, is a kind and considerate man, therefore he promptly made sure that my mother was comfortable and sat down in a huge armchair to read his paper. After 10 minutes a Nurse berated him, asking 'Why are you not by her side, rub her back for christsakes!' to which his reply was 'Because I have another 102 pages yet!'

Needless to say he lost that argument and spent the rest of the time, back rubbing.
And that's where he stayed until I was ready.
He did have one other duty as tea boy.
I was a thirsty baby, but somehow his tea sent me straight onto coffee.
As Abraham Lincoln once said:
"If this is tea, bring me some coffee, and if it's coffee, bring me some tea!"

Forget Me Not

We are all aware that the country as a whole is becoming dumber. In fact judging by some of the Herberts at school, most people should be rolling around in their own excrement all day.
However for all of you that are able to communicate past a 3rd year level here's some new words that you should try to include in your daily banter.

For those of you who are struggling, definitions are included free of charge :)

pilfreiconcialimoniousibbialconnairibaliconndenialscalinisi-blancisirrhoisoicitis - a type of throat disease, so why call it a sore throat?

mississippischaufelraddampferkapitnsmtzenfabrikbesitzer - double points for this one as its in German, it means: a mississippi paddle wheel steamer captain cap factory owner

otiose - Means, roughly, "too complex/arrogant/whatever to be dealt with right now." But, the word is rare and obscure enough that just using it automatically means that you're being otiose yourself...

defenestratede - out, fenestra- Latin for window. defenestrate- to throw something(one) out of a window.

Those of you up for a challenge, look up the meaning of these words.

1. charnk
2. crwth
3. lilliputian
4. misogynist
5. moribund
6. spatchcock
7. twitterpated

Good Luck, Class Dismissed.

Unleash the dogs of War

Section 1:
Recently there has been some trouble surrounding myself and some certain members of the lower years. In short they are being weigh anchors. Once this had been reported to the appropriate authority, I was given some subtle advice. "Whatever you do, don’t hit them. Because you would probably kill them. However by all means feel free to use psychological warfare at all times."

This was a godsend, a ticket to do some serious sabre rattling. Not to mention that the fact that these individuals are mostly some jam sarnies short of a picnic. This is going to be fun.

Will report back on the results.

Section 2:
Just a small anecdote from last night. I have decided to take a little trip during April with a good Lady friend of mine to London. Upon booking of the tickets online I had an experience that didn’t quite seem right.

*WARNING MINOR RANT APPROACHING*

Upon looking at the national rail website there was a multitude of fares from Bristol to Paddington. Many seemed to be in the region of £100 for two. However there were some Advanced fares around. As I clicked on one, it promptly disappeared. Annoyed, I had a brainwave and decided to book direct with the train operator in question. Where they follow an almost identical booking system. However where the fares were displayed some were completely different to what I had been told previously. Arg. I had my eye set on one ticket in particular and I was going for it.
So back to the NR website, where there was for some reason, no availability on any service!!!!?? *Deep breath*
Jumping once more back to the service operators page I was shown the same data. I felt like giving up at this point.

Yet I persevered and with a little tweaking of some settings, back to my original search parameters, +/- 1 or two changes. I got the fare I wanted. Perfect quote and everything. So quickly grabbing my card I prepared to enter my details. To only be asked by NR which operator I was going to use, and being promptly redirected to them. *Sigh*

But as they had quoted me a price it was mysteriously available with the new site. So I have my tickets, I have lost some hair. But by God I’m going to London, even if it kills me.


*ADDITIONAL*
Have just arrived home, and the tickets that I booked at 3.30 last night arrived at 9am this morning. Hows that for quick service?

Way on down south, in London Town.

Having had only 5 hours of sleep between last night and this morning, I was rather less receptive to my wake up call this morning than usual. It wasn't helped by the fact that my waking this morning happened at the tender hour of 5:30.

I was off to the Capital with 50 other VI form students to attend an open session with our local MP Steve Webb. He had arranged for us to arrive at the New Palace of Westminster (to give it its full title) or the Houses of Parliament to you and me for a tour of the entire building. This morning the Lords and the rest of the MP's had been given a lie in, and so we were able to view all the chambers including the House of Lords and the House of Commons. Much to our amusement there were warnings of 'don't sit down on the red chairs, you aren't a Lord' Tee Hee. Needless to say some people had a quick bottom shuffle along the benches.

After this we descended to the basement level, along a passageway, under the main road and into a very nice, new office block situated next to the Palace. Here we were given the chance to grill three MP's, one from each of the main party's. Unfortunately we didn't quite get the flames high enough to claim any points over any of them, but we did make one of them break a sweat.

By this time it was 12:45 and we had until 2:15 to go out and explore the surroundings and grab some lunch. A friend and myself dashed to the Underground and promptly ended up on Oxford Street. After a quick trip to Selfridges (the only UK supplier of Root Beer.) we walked around looking for somewhere sensible to purchase appropriate nourishment. Unfortunately both Pizza Hut and Subway were full, so we trotted off to the only other option left, Boots. £3.30 later and it was time to head back to Saint Stevens Gate at the Palace to rejoin our group so that we may be able to go to the Strangers Gallery. (For those of you who are 'PC' its now called Visitors Gallery.) We sat up there for 30 minutes in which time we saw Tessa Jowell during her departmental questions, as these are selected a week previously, no on was able to ask anything of her Husband.

After our time in the Palace we headed back to the nice office block and we sat down for an hour session of 1 on 50 with Steve Webb. I have nothing but praise for this man, he is completely honest and selfless.

So here concluded my day in London, but in closing there is two other points worth mentioning.
One is that not only did we see Mrs or maybe Ms Jowell but we also saw Boris Johnson- the legend, and George Galloway- the Twat.
Two is that for once...Thee Underground was all working right when we needed it.

All in all, a good day by all.

Beware the Eyes of March

Well hello there.

Just to let myself know really... But there are now only 76 days until study leave begins.. yay.
Not a lot going on here at the moment. Apart from work as usual, but you do enough of that to want to hear about mine. You do want to hear about it??... Well.... Well I don't want to talk about it, so there! Got you that time.

I have to put out a message of thanks to my good friend Weevil's step son.... Methane Boy.
For those of you who read this should have by now, seen the inspiration link, clicked it and read its contents. Therefore you will all know that Methane Boy tinkers with the home made alcohol business, and as a witness makes a bloody good wine.

I followed cossack's (click inspiration dammit) lead and spend the bank breaking amount of £5 to purchase some Elderberry Wine. As described it has the most fantastic colour, light generallydoesn'ttpenetratee the center; and the aroma it gives off is wonderful. It is very sweet which may lull you into a false sense of security, because it has got quite a kick on it.
Its a good one for port lovers. (ME!!)

So here's to MB, may his tinkering continue, as long as hedoesn'tt blow the roof off.

18 + 1 Week

Well would you Adam and Eve it... One week after my 18th and I still haven't used any of the so-called benefits.

I've been near a pub once, and even then it was a flying visit to see someone quickly and leave. I was contemplating buying a beer from Somerfields when I went to go and get my lunch, however it soon dawned on me that without a blessed bottle opener, I would be out of luck.
I knew that there wasn't one anywhere near Oxfam where I volunteer on a Friday; because I had spent the best part of 20 mins looking for one for a customer. *Sigh*
And there was no way in hell I was buying the only single can thing they sell.... Wife Beater.... I mean Stella Artois. Reassuringly Expensive I think not, especially when you can buy 12 for £5 in places. How good can it be for that price??

I haven't even been to an 18+ movie yet, not my fault but there is just nothing on.

I was ID'd once, on my birthday so got away with it...Butt its true what they say, its no fun when its legal. - Maybe a line for Gary Glitter there :)

Really its been a bit of a boring week, with the slow realisationn that slowly coursework and other bits for exams are creeping up on me at an alarming rate. To think there is only about 77 days left til study leave, and that includes the next holiday we get too!

No snow, but sweet justice.

Ah well, all good things come to an end as they say. Apart from the lightest dusting here and there, all the snow has long turned to slush and gurgled its way down the drain.
Bit of a shame really, was hoping for a snow day so that I could have an impromptu lie in.

However there is some good news on the scene. A certain manager of mine who doesn't score very favourably is on holiday for the next week or so. Good times all round. What's even more special is that today, the day before he leaves, he has just contracted what's known as a Novo Virus. Its a lot like Norwalk, in fact its almost identical.
So for him, its two days of no eating, and the worse case of the shits and vomiting that he's ever had. Shouldn't be liking this really, but HA.

In other news, we have just booked two weeks in Croatia, 'The Unspoiled Mediterranean.' Or so the propaganda will have me believe, we will see. What's also good, is that due to my brothers lack of diligence, he has missed his chance of coming by not replying. So I'm getting a room to myself, the control of the TV, and the ability to turn the lights on as soon as I've woken up.

All in all, one good day.

I scream, you scream we all scream for SNOW!!!

Its official with only 12 days left until the official start of Spring (March 12th for all those not in the know) its decided to become more wintery than ever. I didnt realise that seasons could make a last ditch cling to life as winter has, but its offical, its still here.... just.

However it has been a weird kind of day. We started off with about 2 oC on the meter, however as soon as the sun came out it was very pleasant and warm. In fact we laughed at the weather mans prediction of blizzards and ice as we strolled between lessons. Bearing in mind that for the last two months if you strolled you froze; today came as some what of a surprise.

So into the middle lessons of the day, and as all great British people do, we started to talk about the weather. Just as we began to sing its praise for delivering the goods, it clouded over, and started to snow, all within the space of 10 minutes.
Shows what we know about the weather.

So lunchtime came, and as I set about my usual slog to do some more work I met up with a good friend of mine. (See fellow student blog). Together we decided that as it was snowing it as good a time to drive the downhill route to go and actually get lunch from Tesco.
So we spent all of our hour break driving around, and testing his Rover Metro's breaks. Squeals of 'theres some unspoilt snow was common place as we emergency stopped our way around the neighbourhood. Interesting results followed, especially when one wheel was spinning faster than the other.

Please note my dear friend is a careful driver and we would never do such a maneuver infront of moving traffic. Not without me looking behind us anyway.

So all in all a good day, with one extra plus point. I scored one over my Dad. He refused to believe a price I quoted him for a product, and after phoning up to order I was proved right.... as usual. :)

News Flash

France:
Recently an Art Thief in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Afghanistan:
Saddam Hussein has been found hiding in a cornfield after a tip off by locals. The American authorities sprayed gallons of Viagra onto the fields, and the prick stood up.

America:
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA have been trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. George W Bush has decided to give them a test. He released a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

England:
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

Round Up - This will kill your brain, not your weeds.

Well its now over a week since I began to write this blog. It seems to be going ok, but in order not to tempt fate I wont say any more on the matter.

Its been a very busy last few days. Friday saw my birthday, but more importantly a chance to go out and party, which I did. We all had a great time at the Thistle Hotel in town, with no-one I care about being too drunk.

Apart from that I've been working at the hotel, its been pure manic. Our £10000 pot wash broke down... again. Third time in two days. So I spent a rather unenjoyable evening transporting dirty dishes from our kitchen to a much smaller pantry like area with a small washer. Then returning the now sparkling ones back to the chefs for them to make dirty again.

Here endeth Saturday.

Sunday was just as bad, but this time we had a wedding fayre. We also had a selection of limos and wedding cars placed all over the front of the building. It was my job to tell the drivers of said vehicles that should there be a fire they would have to move them.
One driver was a little taken back by my answer to his question of "why?" To which I not-so-tactfully answered, 'because if you dont three very large fire engines will move them, and they arn't known for being gentle.' As you can tell 8am on a sunday just makes me so happy.

Happy Birthday to Me, and other things.

Oddly enough, this morning passed mostly like any other, with the eternal struggle of my need to get up, and my will actually to do it.
Bleary eyed is an understatement, try cataract eyed and blindfolded. However somehow I managed to get the right limb in the right hole of my clothing and stumble down the stairs to scavenge for food.
The post had not arrived so no huge pile of decorative paper was waiting for me, but what was there was extremely nice.

Not much in the present department either, but that was expected as I had used up my present fund last week on a huge drinking session in Aberdeen.
Yet as I sat down to force some orange juice down my neck, something hit me. Not my mother as expected; but more of the fact that I can now legally vote. Of all the things I can now do legally, that one struck me as being most poignant.
Maybe the fact that going down the pub has been a weekly occurrence for the last 6 months lessened the impact of what my new age can do. Ditto the ability to see 18 movies. The fact is the average guess at my age is 21, therefore I haven’t been ID’d ever.

It also struck me that there are a few things that I cannot yet do, such as hire a car. Depending on what you are after you need to be at least 21 and in some cases 25.

As we draw near to the end of today’s rant, I am just going to go slightly soft and give a dedication to some very dear friends of mine. Not some certain unmentionables that embarrassed me completely the other night, but two unsung hero’s of the IT world.
I am of course referring to Weevil – see the inspiration blog link, and her permanently chipper work mate Baldrick.
They have literally taken me in, well in to their warm, cosy office and have patiently put up with my weekly stupid questions. Supplying caffeine related beverages, and generally a genial time. More honest and hard working people you could not meet.
So here it is, ladies and gentlemen, please fill your glasses, and raise them in a very humble salute to my friends Weevil and Balders.

I can see clearly now. (1 day to go)

Well its official, my eyes are now back to their normal terrible state. 5 months ago I had my second squint correction, the first being 14 years ago. However after the all clear today, I am pleased to announce that my vision is back to being just severly short sighted, rather than severly short sighted and all over the place.

In other news, half the hotel seems to be on their death bed, and so, once again I've been called in at last minute to cover for them. Not a problem tonight, but if they think I'm going to work tomorrow they have another thing coming. Plus they have been warned that I'm going to be hungover saturday. Oh well their fault for forgetting really.

Weather: We had SNOW!!!
I told you that this blog could get random.
It wasnt real snow, didnt settle and wasnt anything to look at.

Fitness: Anyone wanting cheap exercise in Bristol, go run up Park Street. Beets going to the gym any day. Had to do it today to get to the hospital. Good job there are plenty of Cafe's up the top.

Gotta get ready for work now, boo hoo.

2 Days to go.

On Friday (24th) its my birthday, yay. Thought that I would just get that off my chest.
Its also the day of our VI Form Ball, where we can all go and get very drunk in a posh place.

However that is then, and this is now. I've just had a text from the lovely people at work asking me if I can come in tonight and work an extra 5 hours because someone is sick. Normally I am the kind tolerant person who would gladly step in to aid my fellow workers, however tonight its hard cheese for them!

If you have read the earlier blog about my work you will already know that due to an administrative error I now have to work this weekend. Which means that my plans for my birthday weekend are now spread over a week where I've had to rearrange them. Tough for them.

So tonight I'm off to go and have some fun, bowling and fine-ish eating at some of our local establishments. Preferably where they don't check id's.
I have high hopes too that I may come away with a victory in the bowling too, I may not be accurate, but I can certainly put some welly behind the ball.

Additional:
I came second both times with the bowling. However while at the restaurant the bastards made them play happy birthday over the PA. I hate them all sooo much.

You can only finish it once.

It would seem to me that it would only be possible to finish anything once. That was until a particularly large essay had to be handed in. Proudly, and tiredly I went to hand it in, all 3 million pages. In old money, that is around half the New Forest.
So imagine my indignity when I was given it back two weeks later, with the other half of the New Forest stuck to it in the form of post-its.
To cut a long story short, it has now taken me around a month to finish it completely. And I’m sick of the sight of it.

It did however get me thinking, dangerous I know, about what else you can only really finish/do once.

1. The most obvious is your own life. That really is a wee bit terminal.
2. Secondly, being born. You can only finish that once too, no climbing back in.
3. Killing someone else, well if you can only die once, its seems fair that the rule should stick to everyone else too.
4. Become old. Judging by observations of some women around the place, once is enough for anybody.
5. Have a squint operation on one eye.
6. Win the lottery jackpot. No one has ever won twice.


As you can tell, doing all this work has made my brain hurt. So im off to caffine myself up and then bounce off the walls.

Cheerio

Nowt as queer as folk

It could be said that when it comes down to it, people are stupid. A person is a smart intelligent being with rational thought. People are dumb, senseless animals. However this isn't always the case.
For example at work today we have collated all stupid requests/complaints and chosen some of the best.

1. "Please move the tea and coffee facilities closer so that our guest's dont have to go as far." What this doesn't mention is that the coffee facilities were only 30 yds away, but they were down 6 stairs and through an open door. And by facilities they wanted us to move the coffee machines that happen to be plumbed into the wall.


2. "We cant open the fridge." Simple answer, try turning the handle. What was worse was that they were an engineering team.


3. "The headboard suddenly jumped off the bed in the middle of the night" She was the only occupant in the room, and the headboard was sound before she entered the room.


4. "A glass has managed to jump out of the bath and break itself all over the bathroom floor." Enough said.


5. "I thought I would steam all my clothes" Seems innocent enough, but at 3 AM under a fire sensor!!! Needless to say this guest wasn't popular with the other people in her party.


6. "I'm so excited to be here! This is the Solent Hotel isn't it?" Only 130 miles out love.


7. "I'm here for the Smith wedding" That was yesterday sir.


8. "I'm here for the conferance, am I too early to check in? The name is Smith." Two days too early sir.


9. "I'm running late for my flight, please tell me I'm near Heathrow." Welcome to Bristol, how may we help you?


10. And now for my personal favourite. "Can you turn the noise of the ducks down outside my bedroom window?" Um.... theyr'e real ducks madam.