I don't want frills, but I resent not having the option. Or why I hate Easyjet so so much.

Through out any given year it is a good approximation that I will be airborne at least a dozen times. I have only ever used Easyjet twice; the second time was a case of needs must. There are many things I hate about this breed of no cost-not answerable airline, below are just a few of the best reasons to avoid them.

1. What you see is never what you get. Fantastic prices are always given on their website; however they 'forget' to include the return cost, the price of taxes, when this price is available etc. Therefore to get their fantastic low price, you have to travel at 4:30 am, into an airport miles from your destination and only if you return within the next 3 hours.

2. "Belfast! That's 20 miles that way!" In order to maintain these fantastically low prices you have to fly to some godforsaken airport miles away from your destination. Take Belfast International and Prestwick for prime examples. Around £10 to get into the centre of towns.

3. "To save you money we operate a free seating policy" How does not printing up to three characters save money? 21D oh that's 0.000002p saved! And to think they pass on all that saving on to you. The result is a scrum for the aircraft, usually with business men leading the charge like the opening of the 6 nations. I know they ask for families with young children and old people first, but how does the other 60 members of their party suit this? So you end up with no window seats, and being forced to sit next to the little bastard who's been screaming for the last two hours.

4.Have some cheesy nibbles, now with real artificial cheese! So you have taken the plunge, sold your soul for a non transferable, non refundable and non-guaranteed paperless ticket. You accept that the airline owns your baggage should it go missing and that they will not give you a complimentary drink. You know all this; you just want to get from point A to point B, preferably in one piece. However you have to endure (insert flight duration here) of sales pitch either telling you to; rebook another flight as soon as you land, buy lottery tickets with 0.1% going to charity, book a rental car or just buy some crap cosmetics to keep the cabin crew happy.

5.Final reason for now, the planes are just appalling. We are talking about overworked, under maintained fleets of (usually) Boeing 737 sardine cans. They really know how to pack you into these things, with little thought for comfort. Last flight I had with Easyjet felt like it had straw in the seat padding. The leg room is totally non existent so that your legs are buried under your bum somewhere. And they are that close together you get to breathe whatever your new neighbour had to eat for lunch.

A easy answer to all of these problems could simply be, don't fly. However for the more practicable amongst us I suggest British Airways, or my new found friends at Eastern Airways. I'm not easily won over, but EA planes are small and cosy with character, the service is fantastic - they still give sweets out on take off and landing, and free champagne is included from the complimentary bar.

And if you still don't believe me, get a copy of Channel 4's Dispatches programme on Ryanair. They are if its possible worse than Easyjet, but not by much.