Last one

Ah the very last lesson of term, after today I have no need to come back for the best part of 3 weeks yay. As you can tell i'm really busy, struggling with my work load and despeately trying to maintain a deadline.

Actually I do have work to do, but I cant be bothered to do it. Bit like a certain year 11 that I know, but thats another story. For the past three days I have been able to have a lie in, and I plan to continue this trend. But something is troubling me, I cant sleep past 9am at the moment. Dunno why, its just a problem.

It does mean that I dont waste some of the day that I would normally spend unconcious, however it also means that I become more and more tired earlier.

All in all a weird week, however looking forward to going on hols next tuesday, so I will be taking a break for a few days. Will prob post more tho until I go.

One two, miss a few

I have just sat down with my girlfriend to watch the latest Harry Potter film on DVD. Not overly bad, however there were some glaring omissions. I am not going to sit here and recount them all to however, but I will mention one or two other films that seem to skimp on some of the facts.

U571, ahem.... The British did it ALL!!!

Harry Potter also features highly on the bloomers list. Chamber of Secrets and prisoner of Azkaban both had hundreds of noticeable mistakes on them. 205 and 166 respectively. (I didn't work this out, I am just reliably informed.

Star Wars the original comes in with a hefty 208, but the biggest overall offender in Pirates of the Caribbean with 213.

Surely with a budget of millions, they would have corrected most mistakes, but obviously not....Take Wembley for example.

Scratch that one off the list.

Well, that does it. I'm officially no longer a LUSH virgin.

Headed out early this morning, 9AM - On a Saturday!!! To head up to Cheltenham. We did this for two reasons. 1) We like the place and 2) I knew there was a Lush shop there.

We could have gone to Bristol, however in a bid not to loose the city of culture... Again, the City Council have decided to dig up everything and knock the rest of it over. I cant face that kind of pressure before I go to work.

So off in the car, we got the Cheltenham in good time, and found parking ontop of Regents Arcade; the same shopping center where a certain shop is located within. Parked and down on the ground we toddled off to our left in search of smellies galore. Went completely the wrong way of course, but we did have a 50-50 chance of that happening.

After a detour into some department store selling nothing of any value, BHS? We about turned and followed my nose to the right place. I have to admit for a brief second I hovered around the entrance, preparing to bite the bullet so to say; however any feelings on anxiousness were slightly relieved when I saw some other bloke buying stuff.

We went in, not quite as spectacularly as Father Ted came out, but we were in none the less. Looking around, I was even more surprised to see another man in there, although he did have a "When are we getting out of here" kind of face. Pottering around, and resisting the need to put a bit of everything in a bag we selected the items that we wanted to try and headed to the till.
Where we were greeted by a male store worker, well that did it for me.
And it should for you too!

Throw away your misconceptions of the store and jump in, head first. Trust me your nostrils demand it. Its not just for girlies who like smellies, they do a range of beard busting shaving creams too. Weevil would be proud of me.

Burn your brain, do history

As mentioned earlier in previous blogs, for my history personal assignment I have to write up around 2500 words on a subject of my choice. To aid me I have a plan of 300 words and an optional 2500 words of notes. Now if you have read my previous blog, you would know that these notes help nobody.
So today I have started to write my assignment up with only my plan. In an hour and a half I managed 1700 words mainly from memory. Not bad eh?

But my brain now hurts like hell. So I'm going to end here. I'm hoping to end it tomorrow as im only aiming for 2300 words.

One other thing I want to add, my girlfriend is fantastic... I know she reads this :)

Learn History, Jump through Hoops.

Today marks the day when all students studying History at school must sit down and write up a self prepared essay from memory. Doesn't sound too difficult right? Especially as you can choose the subject matter.

Here's where it gets tricky. You are allowed a 300 word plan, this can not be just a section of essay, it has to be structured. Ok not too bad so far.

You are not allowed any texts, sources or access to any other areas of information.

You are allowed to use word processing only.

doesn't seem unreasonable.

And as a gesture of good will the exam board allow you to have 10 pages of A4 notes, or 2500 words to help you. Hooray?!

Well its not that easy, it has to be paragraphs, and these can not be in anyway like you essay. Here's an example of what I mean.

LG: CiC + CoC of B101 ->LG.... Gibberish as you may agree. To me however this means something. LG= Leopoldo Galtieri Commander in Chief, and the Chain of Command of Battalion 101 leads back to him. Therefore meaning he was the one who told B101 to go and kill 10000+ people. Get it? No neither do I. But these are such things that you have to do to complete A-Levels.

Yay.

Not long now.

Bit of sad news first, my Dads off back to his boat tomorrow, so I wont see him until July. :(

Good news:
Only 10 school days left until we break up for two and a half weeks. I really need this break, simply because my brain is currently on meltdown.
Also during the break I'm off to Jersey for a week with my Mum. This should be good, not only is she paying for it all, but she doesn't know anything about the place, unlike me. This will be my third trip to the island.

More good news. A certain manager of mine has less than a month until he leaves!

Even more good news: Only a few weeks until I got to London with a friend.

Fantastic News: Only 5 school weeks until we finish school all together.... Wait that means I have exams ¬_¬

Damn.

Do people really fool for such things?

Ah Wednesday, my favourite day of the week. Because of my lesson that I have.... Only a double History. Throughout my two years at VI Form these two 50 minute periods have always been one of merriment, and there was always the guarantee that we would never a: work for more than half the time and b: that we would never last 100 minutes, maybe 70, most often 65.
And today is that wonderful day. But its just got better, we are doing personal assignments, giving us no reason to attend what so ever.

The reason I'm so happy is thus: I got up at 11am today and loved it.

So after doing a reasonable amount of work this morning, I decided to bring the TV out of its retirement (it retired at 11:30 last night, so 15 hrs isn't bad - my TV is not 65 years old either.) and set it to work. Now SKY is a wonderful creation, it allows all people who really want their own TV channel to own one. Needless to say everyone who actually wants their own TV channel shouldn't be allowed one.

The same can be said for magazines, and people who want to work in advertising. Let me demonstrate the latter two examples of my argument. While exercising my right to channel surf I came across an advert for - now I may have the name wrong - NEW Magazine?!!?
So what does it provide? The advert has a little counter at the bottom that runs up to 60, and they have a variety of people reading off a list of total clap. Celebrities, shoes, shames etc.... You get the idea, total trollop in a magazine.

What got me was that the counter at the bottom wasn't the most accurate piece of mathematical apparatus ever, for example it managed to skip from 25 to 30, 37 to 40 and 46 to 49 and in many other places as well. All this leads upto the magical, if slightly inaccurate number of 60 and the selling point is read out, 60 things for 60p!

Well if you believe that, you will believe anything.

I recall a car manufacturer did the same a few years ago by saying they voluntarily put their cars through 130ish criteria to be allowed to sell. It turned out that one of the categories was seat belts - a legal requirement, windscreen wipers and my favourite 4 wheels and an engine.

Wanted: A nuclear device with a 400ft radius.

Last night, just as I was heading out the door to work, I stepped in a puddle. Not normally a problem, but as I was about to continue my journey I was aware of a cold feeling coming over my foot. Looking at my shoe I realised all too late, that there was a hole in the soul, about the size of a 20 pence piece. Not good.

So this afternoon, we at the BT estate decided to take a trip to Brantano. Ignoring the crap Muzak, crap advertising and the next-to-useless shop assistants; the shoes aren't that bad. Plus they go up to a size 14. I'm only a 12, but there's always a growth spurt when you cant find big enough shoes.

So trundling through the selection of work shoes, trying a few on, sometimes mixing pairs just to see the result. I decided on a nice pair of black slip-ons. I sometimes have to go to work for 7am, never in the right frame of mind to tie laces.

The whole experience took around 20 minutes, a very respectable time for someone who just wanted his old shoes, but new. Realising that there was a good part of the day left we trundled around a few of the other shops that make up the Abbey Wood Retail Park. Matalan, Woolworths and Next Clearance they are all here; and today they were just full of rubbish. Now in the past they may have served their uses, however it wasn't the same today. Piles of stuff just thrown around. I know worn look clothing is meant to be in, but Christ, not worn in this way.

So my personal recommendation is this. Put a small nuclear device in the middle of the car park and blow the lot to hell. No-one would miss it. Perhaps we could have something useful there instead. And to show I too will sacrifice something, I'll put off my growing plans for now.

Known me since yay high? I was born 5 ft tall!

My Mum, in one of her contemplating moods was sitting at the table this morning, her copy of the paper all laid out in front of her. She had insisted of fetching the papers from the shops this morning, on the basis of the fact it was snowing and she was feeling childish.

Sat there reading, probably an article on north sea dolphin frying/global warming- same thing?? She began to recite the story of my birth, not what any 18 year old wants to hear just after waking up. Well to be truthful, I wasn't awake, not by a long shot.

She told me that the first thing that my Dad knew about it was when he got a knee in the back, rolling over, this kind and caring creature, told my dear mother to 'go have a shower, I'll be up after.' Only to be told, that she had already had a shower and to move his mortal rump out of bed.

Setting off from home, he stopped off at the papershop (it was a Sunday, and they had bought a copy of the paper for my brothers birthdate), he purchased a Times for me - incredibly bright from the beginning- and a copy of the daily torygraph for himself. A quick drive to Southmead later and my Mum was installed into the bed- hers for the next 6 hours.

My Dad as I have said, is a kind and considerate man, therefore he promptly made sure that my mother was comfortable and sat down in a huge armchair to read his paper. After 10 minutes a Nurse berated him, asking 'Why are you not by her side, rub her back for christsakes!' to which his reply was 'Because I have another 102 pages yet!'

Needless to say he lost that argument and spent the rest of the time, back rubbing.
And that's where he stayed until I was ready.
He did have one other duty as tea boy.
I was a thirsty baby, but somehow his tea sent me straight onto coffee.
As Abraham Lincoln once said:
"If this is tea, bring me some coffee, and if it's coffee, bring me some tea!"

Forget Me Not

We are all aware that the country as a whole is becoming dumber. In fact judging by some of the Herberts at school, most people should be rolling around in their own excrement all day.
However for all of you that are able to communicate past a 3rd year level here's some new words that you should try to include in your daily banter.

For those of you who are struggling, definitions are included free of charge :)

pilfreiconcialimoniousibbialconnairibaliconndenialscalinisi-blancisirrhoisoicitis - a type of throat disease, so why call it a sore throat?

mississippischaufelraddampferkapitnsmtzenfabrikbesitzer - double points for this one as its in German, it means: a mississippi paddle wheel steamer captain cap factory owner

otiose - Means, roughly, "too complex/arrogant/whatever to be dealt with right now." But, the word is rare and obscure enough that just using it automatically means that you're being otiose yourself...

defenestratede - out, fenestra- Latin for window. defenestrate- to throw something(one) out of a window.

Those of you up for a challenge, look up the meaning of these words.

1. charnk
2. crwth
3. lilliputian
4. misogynist
5. moribund
6. spatchcock
7. twitterpated

Good Luck, Class Dismissed.

Unleash the dogs of War

Section 1:
Recently there has been some trouble surrounding myself and some certain members of the lower years. In short they are being weigh anchors. Once this had been reported to the appropriate authority, I was given some subtle advice. "Whatever you do, don’t hit them. Because you would probably kill them. However by all means feel free to use psychological warfare at all times."

This was a godsend, a ticket to do some serious sabre rattling. Not to mention that the fact that these individuals are mostly some jam sarnies short of a picnic. This is going to be fun.

Will report back on the results.

Section 2:
Just a small anecdote from last night. I have decided to take a little trip during April with a good Lady friend of mine to London. Upon booking of the tickets online I had an experience that didn’t quite seem right.

*WARNING MINOR RANT APPROACHING*

Upon looking at the national rail website there was a multitude of fares from Bristol to Paddington. Many seemed to be in the region of £100 for two. However there were some Advanced fares around. As I clicked on one, it promptly disappeared. Annoyed, I had a brainwave and decided to book direct with the train operator in question. Where they follow an almost identical booking system. However where the fares were displayed some were completely different to what I had been told previously. Arg. I had my eye set on one ticket in particular and I was going for it.
So back to the NR website, where there was for some reason, no availability on any service!!!!?? *Deep breath*
Jumping once more back to the service operators page I was shown the same data. I felt like giving up at this point.

Yet I persevered and with a little tweaking of some settings, back to my original search parameters, +/- 1 or two changes. I got the fare I wanted. Perfect quote and everything. So quickly grabbing my card I prepared to enter my details. To only be asked by NR which operator I was going to use, and being promptly redirected to them. *Sigh*

But as they had quoted me a price it was mysteriously available with the new site. So I have my tickets, I have lost some hair. But by God I’m going to London, even if it kills me.


*ADDITIONAL*
Have just arrived home, and the tickets that I booked at 3.30 last night arrived at 9am this morning. Hows that for quick service?

Way on down south, in London Town.

Having had only 5 hours of sleep between last night and this morning, I was rather less receptive to my wake up call this morning than usual. It wasn't helped by the fact that my waking this morning happened at the tender hour of 5:30.

I was off to the Capital with 50 other VI form students to attend an open session with our local MP Steve Webb. He had arranged for us to arrive at the New Palace of Westminster (to give it its full title) or the Houses of Parliament to you and me for a tour of the entire building. This morning the Lords and the rest of the MP's had been given a lie in, and so we were able to view all the chambers including the House of Lords and the House of Commons. Much to our amusement there were warnings of 'don't sit down on the red chairs, you aren't a Lord' Tee Hee. Needless to say some people had a quick bottom shuffle along the benches.

After this we descended to the basement level, along a passageway, under the main road and into a very nice, new office block situated next to the Palace. Here we were given the chance to grill three MP's, one from each of the main party's. Unfortunately we didn't quite get the flames high enough to claim any points over any of them, but we did make one of them break a sweat.

By this time it was 12:45 and we had until 2:15 to go out and explore the surroundings and grab some lunch. A friend and myself dashed to the Underground and promptly ended up on Oxford Street. After a quick trip to Selfridges (the only UK supplier of Root Beer.) we walked around looking for somewhere sensible to purchase appropriate nourishment. Unfortunately both Pizza Hut and Subway were full, so we trotted off to the only other option left, Boots. £3.30 later and it was time to head back to Saint Stevens Gate at the Palace to rejoin our group so that we may be able to go to the Strangers Gallery. (For those of you who are 'PC' its now called Visitors Gallery.) We sat up there for 30 minutes in which time we saw Tessa Jowell during her departmental questions, as these are selected a week previously, no on was able to ask anything of her Husband.

After our time in the Palace we headed back to the nice office block and we sat down for an hour session of 1 on 50 with Steve Webb. I have nothing but praise for this man, he is completely honest and selfless.

So here concluded my day in London, but in closing there is two other points worth mentioning.
One is that not only did we see Mrs or maybe Ms Jowell but we also saw Boris Johnson- the legend, and George Galloway- the Twat.
Two is that for once...Thee Underground was all working right when we needed it.

All in all, a good day by all.

Beware the Eyes of March

Well hello there.

Just to let myself know really... But there are now only 76 days until study leave begins.. yay.
Not a lot going on here at the moment. Apart from work as usual, but you do enough of that to want to hear about mine. You do want to hear about it??... Well.... Well I don't want to talk about it, so there! Got you that time.

I have to put out a message of thanks to my good friend Weevil's step son.... Methane Boy.
For those of you who read this should have by now, seen the inspiration link, clicked it and read its contents. Therefore you will all know that Methane Boy tinkers with the home made alcohol business, and as a witness makes a bloody good wine.

I followed cossack's (click inspiration dammit) lead and spend the bank breaking amount of £5 to purchase some Elderberry Wine. As described it has the most fantastic colour, light generallydoesn'ttpenetratee the center; and the aroma it gives off is wonderful. It is very sweet which may lull you into a false sense of security, because it has got quite a kick on it.
Its a good one for port lovers. (ME!!)

So here's to MB, may his tinkering continue, as long as hedoesn'tt blow the roof off.

18 + 1 Week

Well would you Adam and Eve it... One week after my 18th and I still haven't used any of the so-called benefits.

I've been near a pub once, and even then it was a flying visit to see someone quickly and leave. I was contemplating buying a beer from Somerfields when I went to go and get my lunch, however it soon dawned on me that without a blessed bottle opener, I would be out of luck.
I knew that there wasn't one anywhere near Oxfam where I volunteer on a Friday; because I had spent the best part of 20 mins looking for one for a customer. *Sigh*
And there was no way in hell I was buying the only single can thing they sell.... Wife Beater.... I mean Stella Artois. Reassuringly Expensive I think not, especially when you can buy 12 for £5 in places. How good can it be for that price??

I haven't even been to an 18+ movie yet, not my fault but there is just nothing on.

I was ID'd once, on my birthday so got away with it...Butt its true what they say, its no fun when its legal. - Maybe a line for Gary Glitter there :)

Really its been a bit of a boring week, with the slow realisationn that slowly coursework and other bits for exams are creeping up on me at an alarming rate. To think there is only about 77 days left til study leave, and that includes the next holiday we get too!

No snow, but sweet justice.

Ah well, all good things come to an end as they say. Apart from the lightest dusting here and there, all the snow has long turned to slush and gurgled its way down the drain.
Bit of a shame really, was hoping for a snow day so that I could have an impromptu lie in.

However there is some good news on the scene. A certain manager of mine who doesn't score very favourably is on holiday for the next week or so. Good times all round. What's even more special is that today, the day before he leaves, he has just contracted what's known as a Novo Virus. Its a lot like Norwalk, in fact its almost identical.
So for him, its two days of no eating, and the worse case of the shits and vomiting that he's ever had. Shouldn't be liking this really, but HA.

In other news, we have just booked two weeks in Croatia, 'The Unspoiled Mediterranean.' Or so the propaganda will have me believe, we will see. What's also good, is that due to my brothers lack of diligence, he has missed his chance of coming by not replying. So I'm getting a room to myself, the control of the TV, and the ability to turn the lights on as soon as I've woken up.

All in all, one good day.